Singleness among wedding rings

I’m so excited for my friends! I have friends who are pregnant and others who are freshly engaged and rushing towards the wedding date. So much happiness! I know how some have waited so long for this time. Change is rippling through the relationships again. It is good. It is beautiful.
But, I’m starting to get the ‘looks.’
Some of it is pitying, others are speculative, others are just planning much mischief.
People who are in the midst of ‘happy’ want to drag everyone else along- it is affront for them to see a single person!- mostly it’s hilarious. Other times though it is frustrating.
I am in a season of singleness. It’s not wrong. It’s not horrible. It isn’t something to duct tape and glue so that it is labeled fixed. I’ve been in a season of singleness for 27 years and I am ok with that.
That is not to say that I wouldn’t love to have a relationship, but it isn’t where I am right now. I am someone who has to focus on one thing to make it work, and make it work well. School is all encompassing right now. I am so close to the end, the whole idea of even entering into a significant relationship right now almost makes me panicky. It is so exhausting to even think about adding another person’s life into mine. Because if I give myself to someone, I will be there 150%.
Relationships should not be entered into lightly. They need to be thought about, treasured, and sacrificed for so that the other person will know that they matter.
I feel that sometime in the somewhat near future (after graduation and the starting of my chaplaincy 🙂 there is a possibility of God bringing someone into my life.
I don’t want to rush into a relationship because everyone else is. I don’t want to ‘fall in love’ because I am lonely. I want to fall in love when God says it is right, that it is good, that it is time.
I want a man who is mature enough to know he still has to grow in Christ. That he has to strive for God’s heart before he ever thinks to look for mine.
Unlike fairy tale ideals: I want to be second in this man’s heart. I want to be second to God. What a wonderful place to be! To know that a man loves me so much that he loves God more, simply because God is suppose to be the most important being in one’s life.
I want to be that woman for the man God has chosen for me. If he has.
He might give me a season of singleness that last my whole life. He’ll make me ok with that.
He’s my God. He’s my Lover. He is my groom.
I will be his bride.
So happy for all my friends- but, please don’t rush me into something that isn’t in God’s time.

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