I hate conflict. I try to stay away from it as much as possible. But, sometimes it gets into your face and makes you deal with it. I really hate conflict.
I am extremely loyal to those that I care for, so when there is conflict, I feel as if I am betraying them. In the depths of my heart I am a people-pleaser. I don’t like making waves, I try not to have arguments for argument’s sake. Also, when I’m angry, I try to not to speak because lets admit it- I’m one of those people who thinks of what I should have said thirty minutes after I leave the person who made me mad. I don’t think well on my feet. But, there is also the quote by Ambrose Bierce to think about–”Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
This is so true! How many times have you actually said something in the heat of anger that you can’t believe came out of your mouth when you pause to think about it? I’ve done it more than once. I am now trying to keep from doing that. You know that old saying, “If you’ve got nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all”? The problem is, is that too many people speak rashly and hurtfully during the pain of the moment. They don’t attack the issue that made them mad, but rather the person that rubbed them wrong. They call each other names, tear each other down, attacking the essence of the person. When you tear each other down, it makes it even harder to fix the issue.
Getting more people involved in the issue doesn’t help either. Having a trusted friend to talk to is ok, but the more you add to the issue, the harder it is to contain the anger and the hurt. Another thing to remember- the more people who know, the more who will attack the other person. After the pain has leaked out onto other people, they are stacked up against person A, accusing them and finding fault. It will become a matter of stopping a flood after the dam has always burst. There is no way to stop all the damage the ripples can cause. Friendships will be lost and the original relationship will be in tatters and trust will be destroyed.
As it is been said, “Left unresolved, anger creates an intense desire to destroy something.” So, as someone who has dealt with this yet again, remember, even in the midst of the hurt –you can’t take back the words that you throw at each other. Take care of each other even during the pain of anger, because we are called to love one another as Christ loved us. The truth of the matter is, that most of the anger? It stems from hurt. Fix it before it turns into anger, then you can skip the whole struggle of trying to repair the relationship in the first place.
Proverbs 15:18– A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. Ecclesiastes 7:9– Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. James 1:19,20– Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.